Do you think you’re not good enough for someone in your life?
Get past this feeling by learning how to be enough for someone through insights on self-love, self-concept, and more!
1. Understand Why You Don’t Feel Good Enough
Knowing the root of a problem is one of the most effective ways of solving it. In this case, the feeling of not being good enough mostly stems from insecurities more than external circumstances.
So what does it mean when you don’t feel good enough for someone?
It could mean four main root causes:
- Childhood trauma: If your caregivers or some people close to you made you feel you’re not good enough through harsh, degrading words and actions, you may grow up with that idea into your adulthood, making you prone to such conclusions often.
- You’ve had an abusive past: Even if it doesn’t trace back to childhood, you might have had relationships where you were abused and labeled all kinds of negative things that affected your self-esteem.
- You’re afraid of abandonment/rejection: If you have such fear, it might be easy to convince yourself that you’re not good enough so you can avoid being vulnerable to others and getting hurt in the process.
- Your self-confidence is threatened in other areas of your life: This might be the case especially if you’ve not had many self-esteem issues in the past but something happened recently that’s eating away at your confidence. You might have lost your job, got rejected by a client, or are finding the current project you’re doing difficult.
- You engage yourself in negative self-talk: You live your life mostly in your head so as you think, so you will be. You might be feeling inadequate because you’ve been harsh to yourself with irrational generalizations like, “I make mistakes all the time,” or “I’m such a failure, I don’t know why I do such stupid things.”
- Your physical appearance has changed: Maybe you gave birth, you had a sickness or something else is happening to your body and has changed the way you look in ways you don’t like so you don’t feel secure anymore.
- Your abilities have depreciated: Due to some reason, perhaps your competence has reduced and it’s affecting how you view yourself.
- You might be in a toxic relationship: There might be something wrong with your relationship. The other person might be promoting feelings of inadequacy in you through narcissistic or any other similar behaviors. Do not be quick in concluding this but scrutinize everything to deal with yourself first.
What is the root problem of your not feeling enough? Take time to reflect and learn about this first.
2. Get To Know What Good Enough Means to You
Good enough is not a universal standard, it’s unique for every person.
So let me ask you, “How can you meet a standard that you don’t know?” It’s impossible, right? Exactly.
You have to know what good enough means to you so you can know whether you’re reaching that standard or not – to make the necessary changes to try again. If you don’t do this, you’ll keep stressing about not meeting expectations you don’t know about and the vicious cycle of perceived failure would keep knocking your self-esteem down.
So what is good enough for you? You can know this after answering?
- What are your core values? How do you meet them daily?
- Who are the people you want to be valuable to in your life? How can you do it while balancing your life?
- What are the priorities in your life?
- What do you think you can do to become a better person?
- What areas of your life are making you feel unworthy/inadequate? What’s the realistic standard you can achieve in those areas to be good enough?
Knowing what good enough means for you will help you be gentle with yourself and also incorporate the good enough standards of others healthily.
3. Learn What Good Enough Means to Them
Want to know how to be good enough for someone in the easiest way? Provide what they need.
Even if you buy all kinds of gifts for your partner and yet they keep telling you that they need you to spend an evening on them alone, you’re wasting your time because they won’t feel you’re doing enough until you do the little things they’re telling you to do.
If you don’t listen to their needs, you’ll never be good enough for them.
But this doesn’t mean that you have to provide for every need beyond the best you can do, no.
- Just get to know the needs of that someone intimately,
- Check how you can fit in the most important things to them in your good enough life plan and then,
Instead of wanting to bring the whole world to someone’s feet, listen to all the things they need and see what you can do.
4. Understand That We All Add Value to Lives Uniquely
To stop comparing yourself to others, you need to understand one thing: you can’t be everything for anyone, and trying to be so is impossible and tragic.
Every person in this world has their inherent worth.
Everyone has their part to play in this world and the fact that you can’t be the person who checks up on people often, or the one who can buy them any gift they want doesn’t mean you’re not good enough.
It simply means you can play another part.
Maybe you’re the kind of person that likes surprising people with simple things. Or the one that can tackle all the IT problems of most people in your life.
In a nutshell, whatever you can do for others is enough. That’s what you’re meant to do anyway. So quit desiring to be something you’re not and do You in the best way possible.
5. Do Your Best as Much as You Can
Perfect is impossible but doing your best is very possible.
Therefore, instead of worrying about how you’re not doing enough, ask yourself, “Am I doing my best based on the circumstances I’ve got?”
If your answer is yes then you’re being enough. If not yes then do your best to be enough to that someone.
6. Stay Accountable
Being enough for someone else isn’t about making so many promises you can’t meet. It’s about being accountable for your promises.
Therefore, while honestly seeking to do your best, apologize for promises you haven’t kept and strive to keep those you’re yet to keep.
This will help others know they can count on you. And that’s good enough.
7. Think Soberly of Yourself
One of the things that can make you feel as if you’re not good enough is your ego. If you put yourself on a pedestal, you’ll probably suffer from feelings of inadequacy.
Get real with yourself, what can you do for someone? What is beyond your ability any time in the future?
Can you stop making mistakes? Are you flawless? Do you never fail?
When you think rationally about yourself, you’ll stop demanding so much of yourself to an extent of not feeling adequate.
8. Quit Putting Them on a Pedestal
Especially when we love someone so much and are attracted by so much of their good qualities, we tend to overlook the bad. So we put them on a pedestal.
For instance, when it comes to a romantic relationship, you may think your partner would never do certain wrongs. That they might never act in a way so disgusting. That they deserve the world and more.
So you do your best to please them. But of course, because they’re mere humans, you get disappointed when it doesn’t seem enough.
So you start thinking to yourself, “Am I good enough?”
Get them down from the pedestal and you’ll realize you’re enough too.
9. Get Comfortable in Your Own Skin
Embracing your authentic self is the beginning of self-confidence and the crushing of low self-esteem. It is the only way you’ll have a healthy relationship with everyone you meet.
You have to learn to embrace your uniqueness so you can better love yourself. If you know your own worth and don’t depend on others for your happiness, well-being, and joy others will embrace you too.
10. Be Honest Openly About Expectations
Especially in intimate relationships, it’s good to be honest about expectations to someone you want to be good enough to. They have to tell you theirs and you tell them yours too.
Apart from getting on the same page, doing this would lighten the load of inadequacies and make space for compassion in case either of you falls short of such expectations.
11. Get Out of Your Way to Do Something They Like
Sometimes it’s good to go beyond your daily best. Sometimes you need to do something special that they may feel special.
Does that someone wish they could be treated with a trip to the next town’s attractions? Save up and surprise them. Do they wish you could do something that’s only interesting to them? Sacrifice for them.
When you go out of the way to please someone in something they enjoy, it gives you a liberating feeling that you’re enough and in most instances, it confirms that in them as well.
12. Rationalize Your Self Talk
“I just can’t do anything well enough!” “Now what have I done? I’m so stupid!” “Why do I make a fool of myself all the time?”
If you can see through the lies in these words, you’ll notice the fallacy of generalizations here. These statements aren’t true for anyone. And yet many of us tell ourselves such things often – especially when in a difficult situation.
You obviously do some things well enough. And one mistake doesn’t make you stupid. And of course, you don’t make a fool of yourself all the time.
But why do you keep beating down your self-image with these statements? Why do you make yourself feel insecure most of the time?
It’s because you aren’t careful with your self-talk.
You have to start talking to yourself in more rational ways, correcting your negative thoughts with a more rational understanding as I did above.
This is taking care of your self image which others would respect too.
13. Remember No One Can Do You Better Than You
We’re all born unique. While we may have similarities, no one is a duplicate of another.
Therefore, no one can be who you are better than you. No matter what they do, they won’t have the same experiences as you, do everything as you do, or in any way replace you to everyone around you.
This alone should be enough to teach you how to be good enough for someone else.
That’s why you shouldn’t have time to be anyone else let alone compare and despair. You have precious time to only be yourself, to express your best self for anyone who chooses to see you for the amazing person you are.
14. Switch to Gratitude When Tempted to Worry
When you’re in a low point and are in need of emotional support from yourself by yourself, this tactic works amazing.
When you’re feeling grateful, you tend to feel confident which exudes the reality that you’re enough. But how, you may wonder.
When you choose to remind yourself of things to be grateful for, you’ll realize that you have done amazing things (you’ve acquired a job, you’ve crushed doubt limiting beliefs in the past) and amazing things have been done to you(you’ve been loved by friends, you’ve been celebrated) so this helps you regain your self-confidence and as a result, makes you feel worthy.
Therefore, when you start having negative thoughts of feeling unworthy, start reminding yourself of things to be grateful for to cut down the internal monologue and prove to yourself that you are indeed good enough.
15. Remember This Is a Fleeting Feeling
Feelings come and go. Therefore, even these feelings of inadequacy would fade so don’t lose hope.
Tell yourself, “I’m feeling X right now but these feelings too shall go away.” “It’s okay to not be okay so stay positive.”
This isn’t to help you avoid dealing with the problem of not feeling enough but to cut short the hopelessness and maintain your mental health long enough to apply a more long-term solution from this list.
16. Understand Great Achievements Take Time
To go from insecurities to feeling enough takes time. To go from self-hate to self-love is a process that takes time. To go from low self-esteem to high self-esteem definitely takes time.
Knowing this, you can be honest to your partner, best friend, or someone close to you about your journey so they can provide a supportive relationship for your growth.
17. Talk to a Counselor
- Do you think you have too many limiting beliefs to deal with on your own?
- Do you think your relationship with someone has caused beliefs of inadequacy?
- Do you feel you need help to gain back your self-worth?
If your answer to any of these questions is yes, consider talking to a therapist or coach to help you start feeling good enough for someone you love.
More on How to Be Enough for Someone
As a life coach, I receive the following questions often. If you have these concerns as well, read on to know their answers real quick.
What does it mean to be good enough for someone?
Being good enough for someone means being sufficient or suiting someone’s needs without having to be perfect. It’s about learning about your situation with someone (their needs, wants, and even unrealistic demands), and staying practical around the situation to give the best with what you’ve got.
How do I know if I am enough?
You know you’re enough when:
- You add some value to other people’s lives
- You make mistakes like everybody else and are okay with that
- You focus on doing your best with what you got
- You recognize you contribute to people’s lives differently
- You realize you can’t do everything and do what you can the best way
- You focus on progress more than perfection
- You stop living life as a victim and take charge of it
- You embrace your authentic self
- You pursue what you love doing more than what other people want of you
- You have wins and loses
- You start believing in yourself that you’re good enough
How do I get enough for her?
You get enough for her by listening to her needs carefully and fulfilling the ones you can to the best of your ability. In all your attempts to get enough for her, embrace imperfection, stay realistic and be your authentic self. If you do all this and she still doesn’t think you’ve done enough, she probably isn’t good for you.
How to be enough for someone you love – How to be enough for yourself
Here’s a recap of how to be enough for someone:
- Understand Why You Don’t Feel Good Enough
- Get To Know What Good Enough Means to You
- Learn What Good Enough Means to Them
- Understand That We All Contribute to Lives Uniquely
- Do Your Best as Much as You Can
- Stay Accountable
- Think Soberly of Yourself
- Quit Putting Them on a Pedestal
- Get Comfortable in Your Own Skin
- Talk Openly About Expectations
- Get Out of Your Way to Do Something They Like
- Rationalize Your Self Talk
- Remember No One Can Do You Better Than You
- Switch to Gratitude When Tempted to Worry
- Great Achievements Take Time
- Remember This Is a Fleeting Feeling
- Talk to a Counselor
Living Good Enough
Do you now know how to be enough for someone? I hope this post has helped you. Remember, you must be enough for yourself to be enough for others.
Which tip resonates with you most? Let’s talk in the comments section. Don’t forget to share this post to help others if it has helped you!
Thanks for reading!