Disappointed When Someone You Love Hurts You? 21 Coping Tips 2024

It’s okay to be disappointed when someone you love hurts you. But the question is, what can you do to deal with the situation efficiently and move on?

Disappointed When Someone You Love Hurts You
Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

Today I’m going to answer that question in detail. So let’s get to it!

Here’s What To Do When You Are Hurt By Someone You Love

1. Grieve

Without letting yourself feel all the emotions of disappointment, you’d end up suppressing them hence leading to resentment and toxicity that continues to ruin your relationships and mental health. 

That’s why you need to grieve. To really feel the pain of someone you love hurting your feelings. 

  • Explore all the ways your loved one has hurt you.
  • Identify the emotions you feel.
  • Clarify the reasons you feel hurt.
  • Listen to how you process the disappointment.

This way, you acknowledge grieving as the first step of the healing process which helps you overcome the negative feelings and move on to a new reality.

2. Get Some Alone Time

When hurt, it’s best to have some me-time so you can process your emotions more clearly. This way you also avoid thinking and acting hastily which gets you into trouble.

So give people a distance and reconnect with your being. Get feedback from yourself before talking to others.

3. Tell Them How You Feel

If you haven’t already, let your loved one know how you feel. Maybe they don’t know they’ve hurt you so don’t keep them guessing. And even if they do know they hurt you, they may not know how.

It’s your responsibility to let them know how exactly they’ve hurt your feelings.

Before you go, ensure you understand your emotions enough so you can express them clearly. Also, lower your expectations of how they should react but observe their response to assess if they care.

4. Vent Your Feelings To Someone

Venting helps reduce stress. That’s why you should consider spilling your thoughts and emotions about this disappointment to someone.

A therapist or coach would be the perfect space for you to vent. But not always can you afford to get an appointment when someone you love hurts you. The second best option is someone with your best interests at heart – a bonus if they’re highly emotionally intelligent.

So reach out to that someone you know who would listen and give you honest feedback. Hear yourself loud and let the stress out.

5. But Don’t Get Carried Away By Other People’s Reactions

The people you’ll talk to are human of course. And they have their own opinions. They’ll try to inject these opinions into your system so be careful to not get carried away by their tides. 

They might be like, “How dare he/she treat you like that? You should leave him/her! Don’t even speak to him/her again!” This is a real example of how people respond and try to make you act the way they want since they don’t have first-hand experience in your shoes.

That’s why you need to first take that me-time to figure out what you think of your situation before going to anyone else.

And when you do get other people’s feedback, filter it with a reason as much as you can before acting on the advice.

6. Get A Reality Check

Is it really that bad or are you being dramatic? Is it really the most horrible thing that a human can ever do to another? Is the disappointment really worth cutting the loved one off completely?

Because of the human tendency to dramatize things when suffering, you need to take a step back and make an objective analysis of your situation so you can make the best decisions.

Get reality checks from other people you trust as well. Find feedback from people who’ve gone through a similar situation. 

Related: Signs He Knows He Hurt You & Feels Guilty

7. Be Determined To Get Out Of The Negativity Rut

This disappointment can fight to keep you wallowing in negative emotions. It’ll want to grow into depression, resentment, and discouragement.  It can force you down an emotional abyss so you can never get back the love or life you envisioned.

That’s why before you take any step, choose to overcome your negative feelings no matter what. Choose to get back to your positive outlook on life no matter what.

And keep that determination going.

8. Get Busy

Do you mostly find yourself wallowing in worries yet getting nowhere? Then busy yourself with productive things.

While you’d keep your current situation in mind, you won’t wallow in it. You can set apart some time in your day to really zoom in on your plight but it shouldn’t take all your time.

9. Get Away For Some Time

Get Away For Some Time
Image by Pexels from Pixabay

Getting some time off your daily routine can help you get a fresh perspective in a new environment. It doesn’t have to cost you a ton though.

  • A hike at the nearby hills can help you release the tension and see issues more objectively
  • A weekend getaway with your friends during stressful times can give you the support you need to get over your loved one’s actions
  • A visit to your parents can bless you with the best advice over the difficult situation you’re going through

I could go on and on but you know the places you can go to get your mind off things and even source new ideas for dealing with disappointment when someone you love hurts you.

10. Do Stuff That Calms You Down More

While working out the big picture, the small things you find calm in your life can come in handy. They help you keep a positive attitude going, stay productive amid the struggle, and maintain emotional health in the present moment.

Here are some ideas to consider:

  • Leisure walking
  • Praying
  • Meditating
  • Singing
  • Listening to music
  • Watching a soothing movie
  • Exercise
  • Taking a digital break 
  • Cooking
  • Taking long baths
  • Painting

11. Reestablish Your Sense Of Self

Your sense of self is where your values, convictions, wants, likes, dislikes, self-worth, self-confidence, self-forgiveness, and everything about you lies. 

While the world tries to tell us who we should be, having a strong sense of self helps us overcome all the conflicting external forces of a false sense of self and grounds us in who we truly are and what we stand for.

That’s why reconnecting to your sense of self is essential in case disappointed when someone you love hurts you.

Your sense of self is the compass of your life and if you have a weak one, you’ll be swayed by many things. On the other end of the spectrum, a strong sense of self helps you determine what’s good for you and what isn’t and hence helps you make the best decisions for a life of fulfillment and impact.

In this case, reestablishing your sense of self will help you bounce back from this disappointment and thrive as a result of it. 

“But how,” you must be asking. Here’s how:

  • Write down the different ways you identify yourself: Your name, position in your family, race, where you grew up, the color of your skin, personality type, social class, talent – connect everything you identify yourself with
  • Acknowledge how each identity affects your outlook on life and hence, your decisions
  • Take a look into your family up to your great grandparents: Is there a pattern you note? What are their beliefs and core values? Which are the negative behavioral patterns? You need to be aware of your roots to be aware of yourself.
  • Put down your beliefs about yourself, others, and the whole world: Where did they come from?
  • Assess your goals:  Do you really believe attaining those goals would bring you fulfillment?

Spending ample alone time to contemplate yourself helps you develop a strong sense of self which in turn helps you overcome even the worst disappointment of your lifetime.

12. Focus On The Most Important Thing Or Things In Your Relationship

Even if someone you love hurts you, you need to ask yourself, “What is the most important thing in our relationship?” 

This helps you avoid blowing things out of proportion so you can make decisions based on what you prioritize in your connection.

Sometimes things only seem like a big deal because people around you make them a big deal in their own relationships. As for you, you need to get back to your most significant expectations so you can know what really is a dealbreaker to you and what is just a dealbreaker for society, your friends e.t.c

It’s all about living your true self.

13. Remind Yourself Of The Good Times

Even if disappointed when someone your love hurts you, remember that things don’t always feel bad like this. 

Relationships and life as a whole are about ebb and flow. Today things are great but tomorrow, well, the one you trusted so much feels alien to you.

So take a trip down memory lane. Look at past photos if you have to. Remind yourself that this loved one who hurt you so bad more than once made you feel great.

After that, you can decide if this disappointment (maybe along with others) has crossed your boundaries too far.

14. Acknowledge Their Flawed Human Nature

You already know that no one is perfect, that’s for sure. But you may be overlooking this if disappointed when someone you love hurts you.

It’s okay to feel the pain. But you still need to remind yourself and acknowledge that, like everyone else (including yourself), this person you love is flawed.

15. Consider Their Perspective

Many times, we hurt others without intending to. This could be what happened with the loved one who hurt you.

Consider Their Perspective
Image by svklimkin from Pixabay

So get their perspective. What were they thinking when they were doing what they did? Were they even thinking?

Don’t keep guessing but calmly ask them about it. Then try to put yourself in their shoes to gain an understanding of their point of view. 

16. Frame The Disappointment Constructively

To arouse old wounds and make you hold grudges, your mind might keep spinning the narrative in the negative. You might get down the negative spiral of second-guessing your loved one’s love and even questioning your own worth.

All that won’t help.

But if you create a positive spin on the wrong thing that led to disappointment, negativity would loosen its hold on you. You can not only go free but you’ll also benefit from this difficult situation.

17. Understand People Are In Different Growth Stages

If you want to become wiser, Don’t Let People’s Words Affect You. At least not in a negative way.

You need to understand that people come from different backgrounds and bear different perspectives at various points in their lives. For instance, our level of emotional maturity isn’t that of your best friend so they might not understand how to handle conversations as you do.

The same goes with many other issues so you need to realize and respect people’s different growth phases. And then choose how far you’re going to let them into your life.

18. Put It Down On Paper

There’s something relaxing about writing thoughts and feelings down. Plus it helps you think things through clearer so you can make wiser decisions.

By paper, I mean anything you can easily put down your thoughts on. It might be a physical notebook, google notes (I love how they’re easy to use plus I can carry them anywhere anytime), or anything you can write in.

Process your emotions with details like:

  • What happened that hurt you
  • The emotions you feel because of it
  • Your unmet expectations and crossed boundaries
  • Your new resolutions

19. Consider How Much You’ve Been Forgiven As Well For Hurting Others

You’ve probably hurt others in the past. They might have been in the same position you are right now considering how you hurt them.

But they still forgave you. Doesn’t the person who hurt you deserve the same forgiveness you’ve been offered time and time again?

Consider that for a moment before going to the next point.

Related: CLEAR Signs You Really Hurt Him

20. Forgive Them

“Forgiving isn’t something you do for someone else. It’s something you do for yourself. It’s saying ‘You’re not important enough to have a stranglehold on me.’ It’s saying, ‘You don’t get to trap me in the past. I am worthy of a future.” – Jodi Picoult

It’s completely okay to be disappointed when someone you love hurts you. But if you want to move on in peace, you need to forgive them. 

You don’t need to forget that this person hurt you. But you need to let go of your resentment, anger, and vengeance toward them. 

21. Reevaluate Your Boundaries

If someone was to physically harm you, would you stay in that relationship? Can you stay in an abusive relationship? 

You need to know your limits. They are things that show you whether a relationship is worth fighting for or not. You can learn how to set boundaries based on your set of values as you establish your sense of self.

Finally, you can decide whether you’ll be moving on or staying. And if staying, how are you going to handle your partner for instance? In the case of a family member, how are you going to enforce boundaries with them?

I trust you’ll have answers as you work on these tips one by one.

What To Say To Someone Who Has Hurt You But You Still Love Them?

Here are sentences you can use with someone who hurt you badly and you still love them – in person or by text message:

  • “I want our relationship to heal.”
  • “I still respect and care about you.”
  • “I still want to fix our relationship.”
  • “How can we move past this?”
  • “I’d like us to understand each other much better”
  • “Can we please work on this issue so we can move forward?”
  • “I can’t wait for us to get through this”
  • “I truly have been feeling hurt about this but I forgive you”
  • “I always want to be open with you.”
  • “I really hope we can walk through this tempest together.”
  • “I don’t know what’s happening to the man/woman I fell in love with but I still love you.”
  • “You hurt me so badly my love but I want us to bounce back from this”

What Is It Called When You Love Someone So Much It Hurts?

When you love someone so much that it hurts, you probably have an obsessive love disorder where you get overly affectionate with a person despite them reciprocating the feelings or not. Commonly, it is unrequited love where you have overpowering romantic feelings for someone who doesn’t feel the same for you.

Can Someone Hurt You And Still Love You? When Love Hurts

Someone can hurt you and still love you if they did it unintentionally or subconsciously. It is normal when someone doesn’t understand that doing something is hurtful to you. It also happens in the recreation of emotional trauma where a hurt/traumatized person hurts or traumatizes others.

Quotes To Help You If Disappointed When Someone You Love Hurts You

”To hurt is as human as to breathe.” – J. K. Rowling

“There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

“Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” – Bob Marley

“The ability of a person to hurt you is usually directly proportional to how much you care about them.” – Unknown

“It’s not an easy journey, to get to a place where you forgive people. But it is such a powerful place because it frees you.” –Tyler Perry

“It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.” ― William Blake

“The way to heal from hurt is not to ignore or act oblivious of the fact that you have been hurt. You should talk about the hurt to heal.” – Unknown

“Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way.” – Paulo Coelho

“If she/he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, she/he will do the same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that she/he’s okay with disappointing you.” – Greg Behrendt

“Let it hurt, and then let it go.” – Unknown

Wrapping Up

It’s normal to be disappointed when someone you love hurts you. But it doesn’t have to be harder than it needs to be.

If you choose and work on tips that resonate most with your situation from the above list, you can heal and make better decisions even if feeling deeply hurt by your loved one.

And hey, if you loved this post, share it with your friends to help us improve lives.

About The Author

Bijan Kholghi is a certified life coach with the Milton Erickson Institute Heidelberg (Germany). He helps clients and couples reach breakthroughs in their lives by changing subconscious patterns. His solution-oriented approach is based on Systemic- and Hypnotherapy.