11 Effective Ways To Choose People Who Choose You (2024)

Choosing people who choose you is core to developing healthy, thrilling, and lasting relationships.

But it’s not as simple as it sounds.

That’s why today we’ll discuss how best you can choose people who choose you in 11 punchy insights.

Come with me!

How To Choose People Who Choose You

Before we start checking out these strategies for choosing people who choose you, we need to get one thing straight: Relationships have different levels of closeness so keep that in mind when weighing the expectations to have for each person.

Moving on.

1. Look For A Seamless Connection

Especially when choosing friends and romantic partners, you need to take notice of how you connect. 

Many people can relate on a social or superficial level – you know, the normal chitchat you can have with a passenger or work colleague next to you and yet can’t talk about your dark sides. 

But it takes a real emotional connection to be able to express the deepest truth of your heart to someone and for them to do the same with you. And this is how you should be with someone who chooses you.

They feel like home to you. You feel like home to them.

While it might not happen at once since relationships develop over time, you can see the following signs they’re the right person to choose:

  • They’re comfortable being vulnerable around you and in this manner also invite you to feel the same way. 
  • You go away from your meetups feeling connected to them
  • They reveal they love spending time with you by making effort to spend time with you – mutual friendship is a two-way street
  • You feel comfortable when around this person
  • They share most of your values

2. Find People Who Don’t Mind Your True Self

Choose People Who Choose You
Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash

Many people are willing to enjoy and celebrate the best parts of you. That’s not special. But it takes a real friend to accept and celebrate every part of your true self including your imperfections.

They know your shortcomings but don’t treat you any less worthy because of them. They can call out your negative behavior openly but respectfully and not with resentful criticism. They root for you no matter what, not just when you have money or other perks.

These are the people you can choose and enjoy a lasting relationship with them. 

3. Note Those Who Reach Out Just To Show Care

The wrong people in your life call when they need you but stay quiet as long as you stay quiet. Even if you would become sick, they wouldn’t know if you didn’t say. Even if you travel to the far end of the world, they might just know after you post it on social media.

So if you want to choose people who choose you, you have to ask yourself:

  • Who tries to get in touch with me when you go quiet? 
  • Who calls to simply check if I’m doing okay?
  • Who would know if my phone isn’t operating for a week?

Whoever you think of, that’s the right person to choose.

Keep in mind that many right people in your life serve different purposes on different timelines. You can have a good friend who’s not that close to you so don’t expect them to know you’re sick within a week.

Be mindful of the difference in relationship levels.

4. Look Out For Consistent Support

Wrong people can show care for a moment. They can be there for you when it’s convenient for them. But the right people are consistent in how they show support. 

No matter what’s going on in their lives, you can see that they’re trying their best to support you through a couple of issues in your life. And by support I mean:

  • Being there for you in hard times
  • Showing up to events you deem important to you
  • Providing help for pursuing your goals
  • Giving you their time and attention 

Don’t just jump to choose anyone who shows you support at some point in your life, just appreciate them but focus more on consistency if you want to choose the right people.

5. Know Your Idea Of The Right Relationships

Before we continue further, let’s get over this crucial step.

To choose the right people for your life, you must know who you consider the right person in the first place. Depending on our life patterns and levels of personal growth, we all have different versions of who we consider our best friend, business partner, mentor, and so forth. It’s all part of self-care.

Therefore, you have to make a list of the person you consider right for you, especially in areas you’re focusing on right now.

This helps you know for sure who fits on the list and who doesn’t. And therefore, who you’re willing to choose.

This gets us to our next point.

6. Evaluate Your Relationships

You don’t need new people in your life to know the right ones from the wrong. Even in your existing relationships, you can get to know which ones are good for you and which ones aren’t. Plus what to do about it.

Evaluate Your Relationships
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

“But against what standards do I have to evaluate your relationships?” you may ask. 

Here are core qualities to look out for when choosing people who choose you:

  1. Trust: Have they proven they’re trustworthy?
  2. Honesty and vulnerability: Are they open with you? Are you free to be open with them?
  3. Mutual respect: Do you observe and respect each other’s boundaries?
  4. Mutual empathy: Do you both listen and strive to understand each other?
  5. Reliability: Are they dependable as far as being there for you is concerned?

With these few qualities, you’re bound to create and maintain a long-lasting, joyful relationship.

Make your list of priorities in your relationships and see who chooses you so you can choose them too.

Read also: DEFINITE Signs Your Friend Doesn’t Respect You

7. Set Healthy Boundaries And Enforce Them

If you want to know someone has chosen you, setting boundaries and enforcing them is a surefire way to test them.

You can tell someone respects your boundaries if they let you do what you feel like doing without giving you pressure over what they want you to do. They’ll let you be your own person instead of pushing you to behave the way they want you to.

But if you’re dealing with a person who tries to push you into doing stuff you don’t want to do, don’t let you have your space, and handle you as if you’re merely a component of them and not an individual on your own, they’re the wrong people.

Ask yourself:

  • Do you often feel like you have to constantly compromise to be in their lives?
  • Do they reject you when you say “no” to something they want you to do?
  • If in a dating context, do they push you to get physical with them?
  • Do you feel like you constantly have to be who this person wants you to be instead of being your true self?

If your answers to these questions are a “yes,” then this person isn’t for you, but if you keep giving a “no,” you may as well choose them.

8. Listen To Yourself

The gut feeling is a real decision evaluator backed by science. This tool especially comes in handy when evaluating relationships.

So when trying to find who to choose in your life, ask yourself:

  • Does this relationship come naturally to you or does it bother you somehow?
  • Do you feel free and certain or confused and bothered about the relationship?
  • Do you feel optimistic about the relationship or hope the doubts you have about it would fade away with time?

You can learn a lot about whether a relationship is right for you or not just by listening to your intuition.

So if all boxes check off and you’re still feeling something’s just not right, it’s best to hold off choosing a person for some time until even your gut is sure.

9. Check For Equality

If you are to choose someone for a healthy, lasting relationship, you need to ensure that they see you as an equal. That neither you nor them is superior to another.

You don’t want someone who positions themselves as better than you or superior to you if you’re trying to choose someone who chooses you. You don’t need anyone ordering you around, dictating what you should and shouldn’t do as if you’re incapable of making sound decisions yourself. You don’t need to become a people pleaser.

Whether it’s romance, friendship, or even business partnerships, you should see each other as equals regardless of what each is contributing to the relationship. You deserve that.

10. Find People With Similar Values

You don’t have to prioritize the same things and be a clone of each other but having a healthy relationship goes along with having someone you share some core values with.

Find People With Similar Values
Image by Hữu Thanh Cái from Pixabay

This helps you bond with each other and avoid compromise in terms of honesty, responsibility, and trust among other crucial values.

Since good values develop, you’ll likely have a healthy relationship, helping lift each other up in your respective lives.

11. Create A Rich Solo Life

One of the secrets for attracting people instead of chasing them is to be fulfilled all by yourself. This is the source of mastering how to choose people who choose you.

If you’re not happy by yourself, no one else can give you happiness. And chances are, you’ll choose the wrong people to make you feel so.

But if you prioritize practicing self-care when choosing people who choose you, you will surely choose wisely.

So before anything:

  • Set boundaries for yourself and others to organize your life
  • Prioritize your needs
  • Take a break from activities you can do well without
  • Engage in activities that bring relaxation and joy to you daily
  • Eat healthily

Chose yourself first before you set out to choose those who choose you.

Choosing People Who Choose You – Final Pointers

Stick around in this section and drop any doubts you have about this topic!

What Does It Mean To Choose People Who Choose You? Choose Those Who Choose You Meaning

It simply means surrounding yourself with people who value you for you. It shows you’re confident enough to choose to keep close like-minded individuals so you can lift each other up.

Why You Should Choose People Who Choose You?

You should choose people who choose you because they not only accept and embrace you for who you are but also provide an optimal environment for growing to become the best version of yourself at each stage of life.

What Does It Mean To Choose Someone?

To choose someone means you decide what person you want to have in your life, mostly as someone close in your friends’ circle, a partner in a romantic relationship, a business partner, and so forth.

How Do You Get People To Choose You?

You get people to choose you by simply being yourself. If you practice being the authentic, best version of yourself, the right people will come into your life and choose you for who you are. However, pretending to be someone else just so people can choose you brings the wrong people into your life and sets you up for disappointment.

Choose Someone Who Chooses You Everyday

Choosing someone who chooses you every day is about accepting someone in your life because they would be there for you even when it gets hard. They don’t just love your good parts but also embrace your imperfections.

Choose People Who Are Good For Your Mental Health – Choose People Wisely

People who are good for your mental health mostly are:

  • Non-judgemental: You would feel free to share the good, bad, and ugly since you won’t be judged.
  • Authentic: They don’t try to compete with you so they make you feel free to stay your true self.
  • Boundary keepers: They don’t ignore or push your boundaries but instead respect them with understanding
  • Empathetic: They actually listen to you and strive to understand your feelings

Choose People Who Choose You Quotes

“Who you spend time with is who you become! Change your life by consciously choosing to surround yourself with people with higher standards!” – Tony Robbins

“Choose people who lift you up” – Michelle Obama

“Choosing the right people to surround you, and letting go of the wrong ones, takes courage. Be courageous!” – Tony Curl

“Choosing to associate with positive, optimistic people will accelerate our positive growth.” – Craig Benzine

“I used to think life could be shared with anyone, but now I know choosing the right people is pretty important.” – Bob Goff

“Make sure the person you’re choosing over everyone is choosing you too” – Unknown

Final Note On People Choosing

At the end of the day, you’re the one to choose to who you invest your energy, time, and resources. And with the above tips, I bet you’ll make a wise decision.

Keep in mind that you have to choose yourself first if you want to choose the right people to experience this life with.

Thanks for reading!

And hey, if you’ve liked this article, share it with your friends as well to help us change lives.

About The Author

Bijan Kholghi is a certified life coach with the Milton Erickson Institute Heidelberg (Germany). He helps clients and couples reach breakthroughs in their lives by changing subconscious patterns. His solution-oriented approach is based on Systemic- and Hypnotherapy.