Below, we’ll answer the question of: “Can a man sleep with a woman without developing feelings?”
We’ll also explore how it’s possible for men to have pleasure without catching feelings, what makes men catch feelings and how you can tell whether a man has developed an emotional attachment to you.
In my role as a life coach, I am often helping clients better understand themselves, their romantic partners, and other important people in their lives.
That’s why I’m excited to share this guide with you.
So, let’s dive in.
Can You Sleep With Someone And Not Develop Feelings?
Whether you’re a man or a woman, it’s possible for you to have pleasure without catching feelings for your partner. However, this is a lot easier when you’re a man and there’s two main reasons why.
Most Men Will Want To Be Intimate With A Woman Purely Because They’re Physically Attracted To Her
A man could know nothing about a woman’s personality. He could actively dislike her. In many cases, he’ll still want to get intimate with her if she’s physically attractive. However, he won’t develop feelings for a woman he doesn’t know or like.
Women usually need to know and like a man before getting intimate with him. The fact she knows and likes him makes it easier for her to catch feelings.
Studies Suggest That Men Produce Less Oxytocin During Intimacy
Oxytocin is known as the bonding hormone. It is mostly produced during moments of physical touch, and especially during sex. As well as making us feel good, it also strengthens our bond to the person we’re in physical contact with. This is why we begin to feel a stronger emotional connection with a partner.
However, studies suggest that women are affected by oxytocin during intimacy far more than men.
How Do Guys Not Catch Feelings?
Men are less prone to catching feelings because they’re more likely to have affairs with women they don’t know or like. They’re also less likely to be affected by oxytocin.
But there’s one more important factor at pay that stops guys developing feelings for women they sleep with…
When we fantasize about a better future with this romantic interest by our side, that goes a long way to making us develop feelings. We crave this perfect future and that makes us crave that person.
But men are less likely than women to indulge in these fantasies, because:
- Men are typically less keen than women to get into a committed relationship.
- Men pursuing women for casual pleasure is seen as normal by society, whereas it’s seen as shameful for women to pursue no-strings-attached affairs.
- Men are often validated for having affairs with several partners, so that might be their ‘dream future’. Meanwhile, women are told their ‘happily ever after’ comes from starting a family.
- A man is more likely to date with the goal of having an affair, whereas a woman is more likely to date with the goal of finding a relationship.
- Some ‘too caring’ men have realized that women tend to pursue them more when they play hard to get. Meanwhile, they get friend-zoned if they’re too romantic too quickly. In this case, a man might consciously suppress any romantic feelings he’s experiencing.
Do Guys Catch Feelings After Hooking Up?
Yes, it’s possible for guys to catch feelings after engaging in casual affairs. The more casual he has been with the same person, the more likely he will develop an emotional connection with them.
If a guy is incredibly lonely or just happens to really want a relationship, he’s also more likely to catch feelings after an affair, because it may feel like he’s finally found someone to love him. (As a sidenote, this is why women who want just an affair will friend-zone guys who are too romantic.)
Anyway, we’ll look at how to increase the chances of developing a serious emotional connection with a man later on in this guide.
Does A Man Have To Be Attracted To You To Sleep With You?
The sad truth is: no
If a guy hasn’t experienced physical intimacy in a long time, he might drop his standards so drastically that he tries to sleep with a woman he’s not even physically attracted to. He might not want his friends to find out and he’ll likely cut all contact after he gets his pleasure fix, but this happens more than any innocent well-meaning person may care to imagine.
This scenario plays out so often in the bar/nightclub scene where alcohol lowers inhibitions. It is prevalent in online dating, where men can seek one night of casual pleasure without their friends finding out, and maybe without even taking this person out on a date. Men often call this the ‘pump and dump.’
In many cases, it will seriously hurt a woman’s feelings to be used like this, especially if she began to feel an emotional connection and especially if it emerges that the man wasn’t attracted to her. That’s part of the reason why women are less likely to engage in affairs with men they barely know.
What Makes A Man Develop Feelings For A Woman?
This section might prove useful for any woman seeking a committed relationship with the guy they’re dating.
It contains a list of five important things that make guys develop feelings for a woman.
What Triggers Emotional Attraction In A Man?
The more of these boxes you can tick, the more likely this guy will begin to desire a committed monogamous relationship with you.
1. Great Physical Pleasure
Great physical pleasure will make a man want to see you again more than anything else. Smart women know this. But it creates a dilemma for them.
- Do they give up their body on the first encounter, knowing it’s more likely to make him come back and eventually feel emotionally attached, but also risking being hurt in a ‘pump and dump’ situation?
- Or do they play hard to get and make him wait for intimacy, eliminating the chances of a ‘pump and dump’, but also lowering the odds of him wanting a second encounter at all?
Some men have such high status (rappers, rockstars, millionaires) that women will agree to intimacy within minutes of meeting them. Some of these women are just excited to be sleeping with such a high-status guy. Others are rolling the dice, trying to get them attached, and hoping to eventually become a part of their world.
This strategy works far better on men who aren’t getting affairs elsewhere than it does on Hollywood A-listers.
Related Content: Clear Signs That She Is Scared Of Her Feelings For You
2. Be More Fun To Hang Out With Than Other Women
A man won’t develop emotional feelings unless you have a great personality. If he has more fun with you than with his friends or other women, there’s a far better chance he’s going to catch feelings.
3. Show Him You Care
When you show you actually care about his life, his thoughts, his hopes, and dreams, that is a meaningful act that even the toughest man cannot ignore.
This is the most important thing that builds an emotional connection and makes him see as you more than an affair.
Use actions and words to show him you care, and he will begin to feel emotionally safe with you. Before long, you’ll be seen as a woman he can rely on for long-term emotional support.
4. Make Him Feel Valued
When you make a man feel important, he’s going to really like that. So, stroke his ego however you can. It’s one of the best ways to transition from a purely physical relationship to an emotional relationship.
This can begin once you start hooking up casually. During a casual encounter, you can appeal to his macho mindset by telling him how sexy he is and good he makes you feel. You can then take this to the next level by making him feel smart, funny, and caring.
There isn’t a human being in the world who is completely resistant to being treated this way.
Related Content: How To Appeal To A Man’s Hero’s Instinct
5. Be Useful
To help him develop feelings, you need him to picture a better future with you in it. You can do that by bringing more to the table than the endorphin rush of an affair.
As good as intercourse feels to a guy, it will probably feel just as good to him with someone else. So, what more can you add to his life? Be useful. Show him the obvious benefits of keeping you in his life.
How Do Guys Get Emotionally Attached?
When a guy feels emotionally stimulated and logically like you’re the best woman he can have, that’s a powerful combination. Few men will be able to resist becoming emotionally attached to a woman like this.
Some feminist media will tell women not to engage in any of the behaviors listed above, insisting that it only serves to promote the patriarchal Western culture. The culture that values dominant masculinity and loving, caring submissive femininity. This is why most men prefer traditional women to feminists.
Related Content: 42 Signs He’s Pretending Not To Like You, But Really Does!
How Do You Know A Guy Is Emotionally Attached?
Let’s round off this guide with the most prominent signs that a man has developed feelings for a woman.
Signs A Man Is Emotionally Attached To You
The more of these signs you spot in a man, the more likely he’s ready for a committed monogamous relationship with you.
- He prioritises you
- He finds silly excuses to talk to you
- His family and friends know about you
- He opens up about his emotions
- He talks about his future and you’re in it
- He invites you into intimate parts of his world
- He stops dating around
- He gets jealous of other men
- He hangs out with you even when intimacy isn’t possible
- He’s happy doing boring things with you
- He compliments you personality
- He can act normal and be himself around you
Click the link for a list of even more CLEAR Signs He Caught Feelings for You.
Any More Questions About Casual Intimacy And Developing Feelings?
Thanks for reading my guide. I hope it helped you better understand the male perspective on casual pleasures.
In my opinion, the best way forward is to only engage in intimacy once it’s clear both people involved have shared expectations. Will you keep things playful in a no-strings-attached encounter, or are you ultimately looking for a new relationship?
When you discuss boundaries and expectations before getting physical, people don’t get hurt
When one of the partners agrees (or assumes) it’s just casual and the other doesn’t want that, this is when someone inevitably gets very upset. When both partners agree to keep things playful, you can have a lot of fun.
So what do you think of this guide? Is it an accurate descriptor of the mindsets around casual fun? What has your experience been? Would you like to ask me a question about this topic?
Feel free to share your thoughts. It would be great to hear from you.