17 Steps To Take When You’re Being Fooled By Someone You Love (2024)

When we fall deeply for someone in our lives, we can become a bit foolish. 

But what if your gut instincts tell you that you’re being fooled by someone you love? There can’t be a worse feeling in the world. 

In this article, we’ll explore the steps you can take if you find yourself in this situation.

What Does It Mean To Be Fooled? – The Meaning Of Being Fooled 

Being fooled by someone you love usually means that the person you thought they were at the beginning is not the reality. This can happen with your partner, or even your friends.

It’s not a common incident, but it can happen to both a wise man and a fool.

Another case of being fooled is when the person wants to get something out of you (money, popularity, status, etc.), but is not clear about their intentions from the start, leading you on. 

This behavior can negatively affect someone when it’s discovered. 

Have You Ever Been In A Situation Where You Felt Fooled by Someone? 

Maybe the person didn’t mean to hurt you, but being fooled by someone you love can leave you with a lot of pain and negative feelings. 

When you feel hurt and don’t properly deal with, it can turn into an emotional wound that leaves you never trusting anybody again, because you fear becoming a fool again. 

If you relate to this feeling, then read on to find our 17-step formula for getting through the heartache and betrayal of being lied to.

How Do You Get Over Someone Who Fools You? – 17 Steps to Healing

1. Trust Your Intuition

Your gut instinct will almost never lie to you. Deep down, you may get the feeling that your loved one is lying to you. You may think that love hurts.

Be honest with yourself and acknowledge what your intuition is telling you. 

Even a wise man won’t deny his gut feelings. So why would you? 

It can be hard to admit that you’re being fooled by someone you love, even if you’ve caught them red-handed. But don’t ignore your intuition. 

Instead, explore why you feel this way. What signs are you seeing, but ignoring?

2. Know The Signs Of Being Fooled – How Do You Know If Someone is Fooling You? 

Being Fooled By Someone You Love
Photo by cottonbro on Pexels

After you’ve acknowledged your gut feeling, now you can compare it with the signs that your partner may be displaying. 

Look for and recognize where you may be being fooled by someone you love, for example:

  • They get defensive when you ask simple questions;
  • They may buy you presents out of the blue;
  • They say sorry for things you don’t recall them doing.

These might be the actions of a guilty person, especially if they don’t usually do these things. Only a fool would ignore all the evidence. 

There are many more suspicious actions they could be doing. If they do these things, then it’s time to move to the next step: gathering proof.

Related Article: CLEAR Signs Your Husband Has A Crush On Another Women

3. Address The Situation By Gathering Proof

If you can, it’s best to gather some irrefutable proof that your loved one is not being honest. 

Why? Because, when you confront them, they may deny it or gaslight you. 

Get all the evidence you need to get them to confess that they made a fool out of you. 

Maybe you can’t get something physical, but you could talk to a friend or family member who might be aware of their deception. 

4. Be Honest With Yourself About Your Deal Breakers…

Now you may be at a crossroads at this step. How do you want to move forward, knowing that they repeatedly lied to you? 

Some couples and friendships can still go strong, even when there is deception, as long as the person being fooled is willing to accept the partner’s lies. 

Every relationship is different, so there is no judgment here. Now is the time to look inwards, to your inner values. 

Be honest with yourself. Even when you are being fooled by someone you love, what is more important to you?

Living in the truth, no matter how it might hurt? Or maintaining the relationship status quo, even if you may look like a fool to others?

5. … Don’t Put Up With Behavior You Can’t Accept

So you’ve decided that you can’t pretend everything is okay when you caught the person you love lying to you.

It’s time to decide and anticipate the consequences of confronting them. 

The most important thing is that you’re being true to your values. 

If you cannot stand your partner making a fool of you, then don’t put up with it. It’s time to talk to them and tell them you can’t accept their lies anymore.

Related Article: BEST Ways – How To Stop Him From Cheating

6. Confront and Call Them Out

Calling Out Someone Who Fooled You
Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels

Find a safe and neutral place to sit down and talk with them. Let them know how they’ve deceived you. If they deny, show them proof of their lying behavior. 

Most importantly, tell them how you feel about it. Whether they intentionally hurt you or not, the pain they’ve caused is real.

Confront them with the truth about how their behavior affected you, and how much of a fool you felt being lied to. 

An extra safety tip: if you even remotely suspect that they might lash out at you, bring a trusted friend or family member to help you escape from them safely.

7. Communicate Your Standards To Them

However you decide to move forward in your relationship after this, be sure to let them know your standards. 

In life, every person has things that they will and will not tolerate. 

If you’re someone who values the truth, you shouldn’t tolerate lies from someone you love. 

If they treat you without caring about your feelings, it may be time to move on.

8. Don’t Ignore The Pain

Being fooled by someone you love may be one of the worst feelings you’ll have to deal with in your life. 

It may feel like your whole romantic relationship was a lie. You may be confused about how to move forward.

Most people will rather choose to press on with their work and hobbies to ignore the pain. But this is not good for healing your hurt feelings. 

Recognize the signs that you need a mental and emotional break. The pain will continue to live inside you as long as you act like it’s not there.

9. If Your Give Them a Second Chance, Be Prepared

If you decide to give them a second chance, they should be on their best behavior. What if your loved one continues to break boundaries that you’ve set for the relationship? 

If you’ve started to lose hope that they’ve changed, it’s time to deal out the consequences. 

If they decide to make a fool of you again, you need to show them that you won’t accept it. 

10. If They Continue To Lie, Make An Informed Decision To Leave

If they continue to make a fool of you, after you’ve given them a second, third, or even fourth chance, take it as a sign to leave and never look back. 

You owe it to your sanity to leave this type of romantic partner. 

This means breaking up, cutting contact, and ending ties with them, no matter how much it might hurt. 

If you’re continuously being fooled by someone you love, the reality is that they have issues that they need to work on themselves. 

It’s not your problem to fix anymore. Realize this, and it will be easier to walk away and create emotional distance. Otherwise, you’ll go through significant distress every single time they hurt you.

Related: Why Do Men Lie? 21 Reasons & Best Reaction

11. Surround Yourself With Loving Support

Getting Support After Leaving Someone Who Fooled You
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

The sudden separation will sting, especially if this person was an important part of your social life. 

It might feel like there is a huge hole in your life, where they used to be. 

You may start getting nostalgic about the relationship and be tempted to contact them again. 

To prevent this from happening, you need to reach out to someone who loves you, be it your family member or close friend. 

Tell them your situation and ask for help. The loved ones who truly care for you will make sure to help you overcome this difficult period of separation by keeping you busy. Work on some other interests that you have re-evaluate your life, heal quickly and head in the right direction.

12. Talk To A Professional

Perhaps it would be in your best interest and for your mental health to have a few sessions with somebody who is an expert at dealing with situations like yours. 

A professional relationship coach or psychologist can help you to process your feelings about being fooled by someone you love and guide you in the process to moving on. 

Plus, you could share intimate details more comfortably with a professional. You might feel bad or embarrassed about sharing these things with family members.

13. Take Time For Healing

We’re spending a lot of steps on the grieving, pain, and healing process, aren’t we? That’s because it’s very important. 

It’s arguably the most important part of getting over the pain and shame of being fooled by someone you love. 

Taking the time to grieve is key to making sure that you don’t carry these wounds into your future relationships, whether it’s with a new friend or partner. 

Usually this is something to do while you lay low, having absolutely no contact with the person who hurt you. 

14. Reflect On The Relationship: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

One of the things that you may want to do after the healing period is to reflect on your good relationship with the person who lied to you. 

You can reflect on the good times you had with your partner, as well as the bad. Also try to look back at the red flags you may have missed from your gut instinct in the first place. 

It may be a scary thought to look back on this period, and you might rather rather pretend it didn’t happen. 

But hindsight is 20-20, as people often say. 

You’ll see their behavior clearly now, and notice where they fooled you. Going into new relationships, you’ll have more clarity about what to look out for, to make sure it doesn’t happen to you again. 

People repeat the mistakes they don’t reflect on, especially in relationships.

15. Forgive Yourself

As you reflect, it’s important that you look at it from a position of self-compassion, rather than an attitude of “How could I be so stupid to let this happen?” 

Realize that self-criticism won’t help you and is poison to your self worth. You’re not the one at fault for being fooled by someone you love. 

You may have been ignorant of the signs before, but nobody’s perfect, and many of us are fools in relationships. 

So don’t feel bad or guilty. You made a mistake, but it doesn’t define you. 

16. Learn To Trust Yourself Again

After what happened, you may not be able to trust yourself to open up again. 

You may have even lost your sense of self and identity in the relationship. 

The time of healing is a time to rediscover yourself.

Who are you without your partner in your life? What makes you happy? What are your hobbies? What are projects you’ve left behind that you want to get back into again? 

Ask yourself these questions. Build a healthy relationship with yourself and support your mental health. 

It may be scary to put yourself out there again, but once you have a strong sense of self as foundation, it will no longer be so daunting.

Forgive Yourself After Being Fooled
Photo by Pavel Danilyuk on Pexels

17. Learn To Trust Others Again

Take your time with this final step.

But if you’ve followed these steps closely, you’ll definitely be ready to open up and trust others again, even after the pain of being fooled by someone you love. 

Take it slow. Meet new people. Reconnect with an old friend and make new acquaintances. Don’t lose hope for love and friendship. 

There’s a lot of happiness to be found in building connections with other people. A key ingredient to that connection is vulnerability and trust. 

You’ll be okay. Believe it and move forward into your new relationships with confidence and positivity.


What does it mean to be tricked into a relationship?

Being fooled by someone you love may mean that you entered into a relationship with them on false pretenses. 

You expected one thing from them based on what they showed you, but when you become more intimate, you realize that they lied. 

It can feel awful for your self worth to be on the receiving end of this situation, no matter the circumstances.

What is the feeling of being fooled?

The pain of being fooled by a loved one will manifest differently for different people. 

When someone discovers that they’ve been lied to, they may lash out in anger, or tears, or both. 

Some people may choose to withdraw completely from others, to prevent it happening again. 

They lose hope for new friends or partnerships and it affects their self respect negatively.

Is it wrong to love someone who is in a relationship?

It’s not a crime to fall for someone. But to pursue a relationship with someone who you know is in a committed relationship is a slippery slope to heartache. 

It is also bad of them to entertain your advances, or try to pursue you themselves. 

Whether they mean to hurt you or not, this type of situation can be a major blow to your self respect.


Being fooled by someone you love doesn’t have to be a death sentence for all the relationships in your life. 

In this article, we explored 17 steps you can take to start the healing process. 

About The Author

Bijan Kholghi is a certified life coach with the Milton Erickson Institute Heidelberg (Germany). He helps clients and couples reach breakthroughs in their lives by changing subconscious patterns. His solution-oriented approach is based on Systemic- and Hypnotherapy.